In what must be the best article I’ve read on the subject in recent times, Ross Barham writes about the ideology and philosophy espoused by so many Martial Arts (particularly Aikido) such that you are not learning how to fight but rather learning not to fight, a paradox that some seem unable to grasp.
If learning to fight is to be a lesson in how to not fight, it will be by way of giving one the confidence, not to fight, but to care.
This was highlighted to us in our own dojo when Shihan Gwynne Jones recounted the day a guy attacked him in the street. The would be attacker misinterpreted a glance Shihan had given him and consequently threw a punch. Shihan merely dodged the incoming blow the man – being slightly drunk – fell over. A few days later and the same man was down the local apologising profusely and offering to buy Shihan a pint.
Of course Shihan Jones could have fought back but the outcome would not have been as peaceful for either man.
Ultimately, a successful practitioner in the martial arts, through the philosophy, rituals and practices of their particular style, will find a greater harmony between their mind, body and world (and perhaps even spirit), so that, by learning how to fight, they will gain the confidence to not mistakenly think they need to.
- Ross Barham “Learning to (not) fight“
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(This is my third attempt – even tried a cut and paste. AOL + my wireless laptop = fried brain!)
Powerful point you bring out here. I learned the approach you highlight above through my karate, but also through marriage and having kids.
In long term relationships, the harder we work at knowing ourselves and being comfy and secure in our own skins, the less chance there is of our egos clashing because we’re scared when the blending part of a marriage makes us feel we’re being subsumed.
I teach my kids to walk away if they can, choose their battles if they can’t and choose which hero to emulate if they engage. (Ghandi’s not always the safest option.) They both do karate but they’ve never, thank God, had to use it to defend themselves. I’m hoping the confidence they’ve gained from it will help them give off a neutral, calm energy. Trying to tell them not to clash at their age is a bit counter productive; they’re t(w)eenagers, so they have to batter their wings against some kind of cocoon to strengthen their butterfly wings. Usually me
I still look back at the person I was before Aikido. So full of anger.
Thinking about it now it may even have been born out of fear. I guess Yoda was right!